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color me blind
There was a point to this story, but it has temporarily escaped the chronicler's mind. - So Long And Thanks for All the Fish by Douglas Adams |
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about the author
A female member of the homo sapiens species
(warm-blooded, omnivorous, currently alive) Diet includes walrus diarrhea, preserved portions of man-made worms cooked in boiling water and the outermost layer of flesh of eggs that have been incubated, raised, beheaded, plucked and fried in oil. Extremely unpredictable, high-five on sight. tagboard
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Design: doughnutcrazyIcon: morphine_kissed |
Hahah I got this quiz from dA. Thought it would be... interesting. It's called the OC Mental Torture Quiz, though I think these people are deranged enough that nothing affects them anymore >__> but that's good, or else they'd be sitting speechless through everything like some of the quizzes I've read, hahah. (btw... comment format: hahah [text] hahah.) Choose 3 of your OCs. They can be from anything. Original stories, fanfic OCs, whatever. It doesn't matter. None of this matters. 1. Viede 2. Render 3. Pinion 1) So. Introduce yourselves. Are you related in any way, or do you have no idea who the hell each other is? Viede: Render is my, um. You see, we’re kind of. How do I say this… it's sort of like. Yeah. You know. Render: We’re dating. And I ask myself every single day what in heaven, hell and reincarnation I was thinking back then. Viede: I love you too. Pinion: We’re colleagues. 2) Great, great. So. Ever gotten a blowjob? Viede: Woah. Isn’t this is a bit too direct for comfort? Render: What? I call it frank and straightforward. Pinion: I do not understand. What is this blowjob? A manner of instrument, perhaps? Render: Pinion! Don’t look there, just ignore it. This question is, er, M-18. You’re only fourteen. Pinion: Young lady, I have been dead for two thousand years. I demand to know. Viede: It’s a – a - kind of job. Where… people are hired for… delivering blows to… other people their employers don’t like. Yes, that’s it. Pinion: I see. By the way, since no one has answered the question as of yet I shall take the initiative. No, I have not had a blowjob, but I would like one. Render: I refuse to participate in such a barbaric and uncouth activity. Viede: I was an assassin in my past life! I was renowned for my amazing blowjobs. Render: This conversation is at an end. 3) HURR. That last question was uncalled for! Anyhoo. What do you like doing when no one else is looking? Pinion: What are they talking about? No one can really Look except Quinn and Viede. Viede: I give them dirty Looks when their backs are turned! It’s their own fault for letting their guard down. Render: I, for one, act like a relatively normal person. Viede: Oh really? We’d like to hear your definition of a relatively normal act. Render: Giving poor Toaster its cough medicine. Viede: There you go. 4) Have any secret shames that you'd like to indulge upon us today? Render: Well, my last words were totally stupid. Viede: Really. What were they? Render: “Oh, sorry. I don’t have any change.” Viede: … How they heck did they become your last words? Render: I was buying poison to kill myself with! It’s not my fault. Viede: At least be thankful that your last words weren’t cut off mid-sentence, unlike yours truly. Render: And how did that happen? Viede: I was beheaded. By a rude and uncourteous person who didn't know not to interrupt people when they're talking. Render: Ah. I guess you’re a much bigger loser than I am, then. Thanks for cheering me up. Viede: You’re welcome. Pinion: No. 5) Got any ultra-quirky kinks? Viede: That’s a question? We’re in DEATH! It’s like a breeding ground for… ultra-quirky… kinky dead people. Render: Did you just say breeding ground? Pinion: I kill a lot of trees. Render: Pinion, that’s normal. Pinion: I mean that I am singlehandedly responsible for rising CO2 levels. Render: Ah. That’s all right, then. 6) Within the last month, how many people have you done questionable acts with? Render: I tried to revive Toaster by CPR. Didn’t work. I’m beginning to give up hope now. Viede: Render, Toaster’s not a person. You’ve got to stop deluding yourself and face the reality that that thing is not alive, never-alive and will never be alive! Render: Toaster’s a person on the inside! You should never judge people by their appearances. Besides, I think you’re just jealous. Pinion: Participating in a dialogue with you two is in itself a questionable act. 7) Do you love me? I love you. Pinion: Love is but an illusion. Render: I abhor you. Viede: Hi! Hello! I like ice cubes! 8) Are you hurt because I lied in that last question? Viede: What was the last question? Render: You weren’t paying attention, were you. Viede: I remember somebody saying something, and then you said something and Pinion said something and something or the other happened and I confessed my love for ice cubes. Pinion: Your descriptive skills astound me. 9) If you could kill someone and get away with it, who would it be? Viede: DAEMUS. Render: DAEMUS! Pinion: In case you have not noticed, Daemus is dead. Viede: Oh. Render: Oh. Render: In that case I’ll kill his reincarnated form. And the reincarnated form of that reincarnation form and the reincarnation form of the reincarnation of that reincarnated form… Viede: No! What are you doing, repeatedly sending him to my department?! I’ll give him the elixir of life so we never have to see his face again. Render: You know, sometimes I’m actually led to believe that you have a brain. I won’t be deceived, though. Viede: You flatter me. Pinion: I would kill someone who would come here and reincarnate you both so that my afterlife can regain some semblance of order. 10) What is the one thing that sets you off so much that you'll go from docile to rabid squirrel monkey in 12 seconds? Pinion: After many torturous years of Daemus I have perfected my self-control. Viede: Reincarnation! Rabid squirrel monkey is now available on the application form. Although our customer service doesn’t work that fast, but hey, it’s worth it! I mean, it’s a rabid squirrel monkey for reincarnation’s sake! Just look at how adorable and… rabid it is. Render: Nice advertising. 11) Who the hell are you people? Why are you in my house? Are you even people? Get outta my stuff! Viede: We are DEATH… And DEATH has come to this house! RAMPAGEEEEEE~ Render: Your house? This is our territory now. Didn’t you see Viede peeing all over your stuff? Viede: What! I only peed in the toilet bowl. And maybe on the flowers. They begged me to. Pinion: I apologize for the intrusion. I will just be leaving now. Oh? What about them? I do not know these hooligans. Excuse me. 12) Does rain filter down through your handsome volcano rocks to create a wild mineral water that's tasty for the ladies? Viede: The profundity of this question renders it beyond human comprehension. Render: No, it’s just beyond the comprehension of your small little brain. Pinion: No. 13) I'm going off track a little. Um. How many people have seen you bare-ass nekkid? Pinion: It does not matter. They are all dead. Render: Um… wouldn’t that be worse? I mean, them being here? Pinion: Why do you think I dyed my hair white and wear a paper hat? Render: … Oh. Viede: No one! Pinion: That is not possible. Everyone has been seen naked by at least two people. Viede: No, there’s really no one. Honest! My mother was blind. So was the doctor. Render: That explains just about everything about you. 14) How lovely. Have you ever wanted to smoke crack? Are you a crackhead? Pinion: What is crack? Render: Crack is… something for crackheads. Pinion: Thank you. I am enlightened. Viede: My head was chopped off, not cracked. 15) Are you wondering how many more of these questions you must endure? Viede: What’s wrong? I’m having fun! Render: That’s just you. What did you eat just now? Pinion: Here, have some toilet paper. Viede: Ew, that’s disgusting. I was eating olive ice cream. 16) What's the strangest thing you've ever licked? Pinion: I do not… lick. *look of contempt* Render: My eyeball. To see what eyeball juice tasted like. Unfortunately I forgot that mine already had wireless installed and thus I just got lubricant instead. Viede: Ice cubes! 17) How many people have you confided in about your contamination with SuperAIDS? Viede: I have a contamination with SuperAIDS?! *mortified* Pinion: And also with extreme idiocy, apparently. Render: Of course you do. Didn’t we tell you? Oops. Viede: No way! I’m too dead to die! Render: Haven’t you heard the old saying “No one is too dead to die”? Viede: No. Render: Neither have I. 18) There is no question 18. Render: That sounds like… Pinion: …the said question was kidnapped… Viede: …by carnivorous cabbages! Render: No! It’s percentages, you idiot. Viede: Oh. Uh. I see. Shall we put up a missing poster? Pinion: No. It says “There is no question 18”, which obviously means that question 18 is not missing, but has never existed at all. Viede: Not even in the Stone Age? Pinion: No, not even in the Stone Age. Viede: That’s so sad. It breaks my heart. Why should the existence of a simple, harmless question be denied?! Where is the justice in it?! Render: Stop crying and get on with it. 19) Have you ever considered a fetish? Pinion: I am fourteen. I do not do… fetishes. Render: So you’re either fourteen or two thousand years old whenever it’s convenient for you? Pinion: You have to take into account the effects of puberty and mental maturity – Viede: I have a Render fetish. Render: That’s sweet of you, but you’re disgusting. Viede: I was only kidding! Render: I can see you crying, Viede. 20) This mindless torture is over. Does this make you shit your pants in glee? Pinion: No. Render: Oh, he left. Viede: Due to the fact that I am dead, although the appropriate emotion is stimulated feces is unable to be egested from my anu – Render: It’s over between us. I tag whoever. Though prolly no one will be bothered to do this >__> yey. It seems that Viede has undergone an evolution from "a gary stu" (male version of mary sue) to "a cool guy" to "a fail guy" to "an extremely fail guy" to "an extremely fail, slightly sissy guy". Go, Viede. I support you. |