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color me blind
There was a point to this story, but it has temporarily escaped the chronicler's mind. - So Long And Thanks for All the Fish by Douglas Adams |
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about the author
A female member of the homo sapiens species
(warm-blooded, omnivorous, currently alive) Diet includes walrus diarrhea, preserved portions of man-made worms cooked in boiling water and the outermost layer of flesh of eggs that have been incubated, raised, beheaded, plucked and fried in oil. Extremely unpredictable, high-five on sight. tagboard
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Design: doughnutcrazyIcon: morphine_kissed |
*edit: people who see the length of this post and gave up reading, good for you. The others, I'm sorry if this does not make any sense at all. Maybe my mind is still in the process of rebirth from being killed during myes. Or maybe my sense of logic is really warped, or I'm just going crazy. And I kind of just typed out whatever I was thinking, so this allows you to see what a small part of my mind is like. A suitable metaphor to describe my mind would be a drunk zombie wandering around in circles eating bloddy melted cheese. I just got my inspiration flowing. I still can't get myself to do my lscep interface, for some reason. It all started when I was cleaning my watercolor palette a few posts ago. I was reading all the names of paints and saw one called Crimson Lake. Naturally, I saw a lake with red water, and everything around it was reddish and dead and there was this girl crouching by it. This started this whole Quagmire series, which is basically this set of drawings depicting this girl wandering around different worlds. This may have been influenced by Yume Nikki though. But I somehow unconsciously developed this storyline for the whole thing. The girl was kind of lost and travelling from world to world. Then later I made it that she had the power of 'imagine' which I wanted to have since a long time ago, basically everything you imagine will come true. This was originally supposed to give her something to defend herself with, I actually wanted to give her a dagger but that would be copying Viede. But later it became so that she can use her power of imagine to create portals that lead from world to world. And there are thousands and thousands of worlds apparently. So the original storyline was to have her wandering around exploring the worlds with no particular aim in mind. Then, several world visits later, I somehow came up with this new theory, which is kind of hard to explain but I shall just follow my line of thought. Which is not easy. A while after the original idea came out, I wanted to give her one of those weird weird character kind of feeling, so I made it that she actually created a portal out of her own world, which is the one we are in now, into the other worlds and since each portal leads her to another random world she can't get back. So she is going from world to world so she could get back to her own world. But in the end she experienced so many weird things she does not really consider anything as weird anymore and when she finally got back to her own world she couldn't recognise it and thought it was as weird as anything else. So she used her imagine and created a world of her own where she lived for the rest of her life. Then later I changed the storyline again, and this time as she progressed on her journey through the worlds she started to suspect that the worlds were really created from people's thoughts, because she recognised some worlds that were similar to things from her own world, such as alternate endings to the stories/manga she read and such. As in, she found the world that was the same as the one in the story, but the ending of what the story described was different from what she saw in that world. The thoughts that are never brought into the worlds of the people who thought of them had nowhere else to go in that world, so they formed a new world of their own which was centered around those thoughts. Hence the countless number of worlds. Then, she stumbled upon a world created from her own thoughts and everything she had suspected was confirmed. Everything was the result of thoughts, this was kind of emphasising the power of thoughts, or something? And everything was really imaginary. The worlds that I've travelled to, and all the people I met there, they were all imaginary, created by the thoughts of others in other worlds. And they themselves have created other worlds without realizing it, creating other people who in turn create other worlds. Then I thought of my own ability of imagine. If the things I imagine can become reality, what is reality except as something imaginary? Are the things I imagine not real? Then I realized, that the whole time I had thought of my world as the only real one, the one that had created all the others. But what proof had I of that? We could as easily have been created by someone else. I could be the product of someone's imagination. If my world was imaginary, everything I have ever known, ever felt, was imaginary.What was reality then? Did it even exist? If reality was non existent, then nothing could be called imaginary either. One could not exist without the other. There would be no such thing as imagination or reality. Then, to discover the true meaning or reality, or the fact that it doesn't exist, does that make me real now? If something real could exist? Or is everything I've seen just part of another person's imaginary world, where people could travel between worlds and realize that everything is imaginary? Am I being controlled right now, by the person who created me from nothing but thoughts? Having discovered the absence of what we call imagination and reality, what am I now? Am I really here? Or is it just my imagination? If we were all thoughts, weren't we just imaginary? Like puppets, controlled by someone else? Why could we think? Why could we feel emotions, physical pain? Why could we control our own actions and have a mind of our own? Why could we imagine, if we were of imagination ourselves? What then is our purpose, the reason for our existence? To do what everyone was supposedly supposed to do, seek physical pleasures in our own imaginary world? But what was the purpose of this, when everything, even ourselves, were imaginary anyway? How could be creatures of imagination be alive? Or was our definition of imagination terribly wrong? Was there no imagination as we know it after all, but rather, imagination being the process in which we create reality for ourselves? Like my imagine? Or do we, through imagination, see just a glimpse of reality yet to come, the possibility of it? If so, what is truly real? Are all the worlds I've seen reality? If so, then once again, what is our purpose here? To find reality? To prove the existence of reality? To become real? To live? The answer is: not to find the answer. We live, imaginary or not. Our purpose is not to find reality, and certainly not to think about things we have no hope of understanding. Now that I have this knowledge, I must pretend nothing happened, lest I be driven insane. I have a good imagination after all. This is what we all must do, facing these circumstances. We live. We are living. Even if we do not know the reason why, even if we do not know the difference between imagination and reality, we live. It's just what we do. Eh lol I somehow got a bit carried away there. I don't know why I suddenly switched to the first person in the middle. Maybe it's easier to see her thoughts that way? Or maybe I'm going insane, because the character I imagined in the story, is inexplicably, the character that represents me. Anyway, in the end, after having realized this, and having decided to forget and to live on no matter what she was, the girl stayed in the world created from her own thoughts. She turned her imagine upon herself and destroyed all her memories and her own power of imagine. And her mind was empty, empty, and she could not think of anything that she could not see. She could no longer remember, no longer imagine. I didn't expect the story to develop in such a way, or to have it end kind of sadly. Though it's not really but it is kind of sad to me to have to forget in such a way. It was originally meant to be lighthearted and not so serious at all. I suppose I just have a sadistic mind. All my characters die at the end of their story. The summoner dies while trying to kill the invaders, though she does get ressurected later somehow. Typical. Viede dies, and this time he can't get ressurected, because his spirit was destroyed into nothing. Ah well, maybe not all my characters. The ones I like, at least. Funny how I can't like anyone unless they die in the end. Though this girl, who is supposedly me does not die, she is kind of dead in her mind, and only her body is alive. Though most people call that senile. I have never had a story that didn't have a proper ending before. And somehow it brought up the question of imaginary things and reality. And I'm kind of surprised that there was no answer to that in the story, or rather the answer being that there was no answer. I kind of pity the girl. After all, she is a figment of my imagination. (except, oh yeah, she's me.) If anyone reads this whole thing and understands it, you are the most amazing person I've met. Go eat cheese. |